Parenting is a complex endeavor. This won’t come as news to anyone blessed with the love of children, but what may be surprising is how our choice – or lack thereof – of parenting style can influence our children’s emotional health and quality of life as they grow.
In the ongoing conversation about what parenting style is best, it’s easy to feel caught in an echo chamber. Opinions and personal experiences sometimes seem to dominate the conversation over facts and figures. Understanding some of the most common broad and specific parenting styles can help you identify your own skill sets and traits. It can also help you identify problem points you’d like to work on, and discover concepts that your family could benefit from incorporating.
Ready to learn more? Let’s dive in.
Baumrind Parenting Types- What Type Are You? -
The four Baumrind parenting types, encapsulate the behaviors of just about every parent. These categorizations theorize that all parents fall into one of four categories based on the amount or lack of warmth and control they display when parenting.
These qualities are often based more on parental personality and environment than a specific parenting style structure. Understanding these four basic archetypes is essential to grasping more complex and nuanced styles of deliberate parenting.
Authoritative Parenting
Following the Golden Rule, authoritative parents value fairness and structure. They prize effort and dedication over ultimate success, holding high expectations for their children in terms of obedience and self-control. They also use warmth and kindness with their children regularly, communicating expectations and affirmations of value without undermining structure or artificially inflating the ego. (Source)
Authoritarian Parenting
Controlling and strict, authoritarian parents are often associated with some of the more controversial intentional parenting styles. They take a strong stance on being in charge, having little interest in negotiating with children. A structured rules system is likely to exist in an authoritarian household, but its expectations may not be adequately communicated. Violations are likely to result in punishment rather than discussion. (Source)
Permissive Parenting
Exercising a great deal of warmth but little control, permissive parents don’t often use the word “no”. They prize their child’s happiness over everything, which can lead to academic and social deficits in some cases. Permissive parents are loving, but feel they shouldn’t be deeply involved or control their child, especially after a certain age. Permissive parents are often children of authoritarian parents. (Source)
Uninvolved Parenting
When parents are emotionally or physically absent, they are categorized as uninvolved parents. They are likely to display a lack of both warmth and control, seeming disinterested in parenthood and displaying little emotional reaction to either positive or negative events relating to their child. Uninvolved parents are less likely to demand affection and obedience, and therefore less likely to punish in their absence. Broadly, this parenting style is associated with serious emotional issues and abusive situations. (Source)
Intentional Parenting Styles- Theories, Proponents, Effects -
Beyond broad parenting styles, some parents choose to engage with specific practices and guidelines when interacting with their children and creating a home structure. These styles can vary significantly.
Some parents are strong proponents of one intentional parenting type, while others cherry-pick the best and most relevant qualities of the ones that reflect their values, personality and child’s needs.
Attachment Parenting
Attuned to their child’s unique needs, attachment parents believe in fostering and maintaining an early bond. This centers around proximity, nurturing touch and emotional support. Baby wearing, co-sleeping and a lack of forced weaning are all hallmarks of attachment parenting, which espouses the idea that forcing independence on babies and toddlers can be damaging.
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: Thanks to an early bond, children of attachment parents are more likely to be connect easily with others and practice empathy and compassion without effort. They may have an easier time controlling impulses.
Possible Cons: This style can be especially demanding for new parents and parents of multiple kids, who may find a lack of personal space exhausting. Additionally, it has been argued that some children may have a more difficult time with separation anxiety, which can be difficult to manage when they reach school age.
Key advocates
References
- https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/attachment-parenting
- https://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/types-of-parenting-styles.html
Gentle Parenting
Covering the umbrella of unconditional, respectful and positive parenting, gentle parents aim to be responsive to their child’s needs and treat them as an equal person. They view the quality of the parent and child relationship to be more important than being right or feeling that a child has been reprimanded. They avoid using bargaining or positive and negative reinforcements, instead encouraging good behavior through the modeling of respect and unconditional love.
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: Children of gentle parents may be more compassionate, less hostile and possess a greater aptitude for peer communication.
Possible Cons: A common misunderstanding of gentle parenting can lead to permissive parenting. This occurs when parents avoid setting clear and firm boundaries. In these cases, a lack of any authoritative discipline can lead to a lack of self-discipline or children who don’t understand why they’re being punished if something serious happens.
Key advocates
References
- https://www.alfiekohn.org/article/rewards-25-years-later/
- https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/05/single-answer-many-common-parenting-concerns/
- https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/positive-discipline
- https://theconversation.com/gentle-parenting-explainer-no-rewards-no-punishments-no-misbehaving-kids-31678
Free Range Parenting
Advocates of early independence, free range parents feel their children are smarter, more capable and more able to think and act independently than most people believe. They’re comfortable with allowing early independent exploration and discourage separation anxiety for all parties. Free range parents embrace the idea that the world is safer than we think, and that in some cases, modern children are overprotected to the point of detriment.
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: Children of free range parents are more likely to develop an independent nature, feeling more confident both socially and in practical matters thanks to a more deeply developed sense of logic and reason.
Possible Cons: While this would be great in an ideal world, it doesn’t mesh with every kid’s personality and circumstances, and some are more likely than others to get involved with bad friends and situations when left unsupervised.
Key advocates
References
- http://www.freerangekids.com/faq/
- https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/02/23/mother-may
- https://theconversation.com/from-tiger-to-free-range-parents-what-research-says-about-pros-and-cons-of-popular-parenting-styles-57986
Slow Parenting
Also called “simplicity parenting”, slow parenting looks to eschew hectic, highly varied schedules in favor of simplified, decluttered and parsed-down routines. Excessive consumption of media, especially news and commercials, is avoided. The home space is kept minimalist and neat, easy to follow structures are established and plenty of time is made available for the whole family to rest and reflect.
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: Children of slow parents tend to exhibit confidence and self sufficiency earlier, and may find it easier to remain calm in stressful situations.
Possible Cons: Much like free range parenting, slow parenting can lead to unsupervised time that’s not ideal for every child.
Key advocates
References
- https://www.simplicityparenting.com/the-movement-an-overview/
- https://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/3355928/Slow-parenting-part-two-hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone.html
- https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/08/what-is-slow-parenting/
Tiger Parenting
Famously associated with Eastern cultures, tiger parents believe that their children should be exceptional. Very high expectations for obedience, diligence and results all exist. Tiger parents have a high level of control and a low level of warmth, making them a classic authoritarian parent. They feel that using insults and threats is acceptable if it results in a successful child.
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: Children of tiger parents may be more self disciplined and experience greater academic or extracurricular success than others, and may pursue skilled hobbies with more success and to a greater level of competence than their peers.
Possible Cons: Some tiger parenting methods can construe verbal and emotional abuse, leading to a very negative parent and child relationship, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy and a hampered social life. If there is not a clear and regular expression of love, then tiger parents can fall into the authoritative parenting category which has been shown to have negative outcomes.
Key advocates
References
- https://theconversation.com/from-tiger-to-free-range-parents-what-research-says-about-pros-and-cons-of-popular-parenting-styles-57986
- https://www.parentingscience.com/chinese-parenting.html
Gender Neutral Parenting
Shedding society’s expectations of gender binary behavior, gender neutral parents strive to allow children to make authentic decisions about their self expression without unnecessary bias. Some parents may choose to conceal their baby’s biological gender from all but the people closest to them. They are likely to choose a gender neutral name and provide non-gendered toys, allowing children to naturally gravitate toward their innate preferences.
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: The possibility exists for children of gender neutral parents to have a broader, more authentic view of themselves. They’re also less likely to engage in gender stereotyping and more likely to exhibit early confidence in their identity.
Possible Cons: This parenting style may be difficult and confusing for the child, and may draw disparaging remarks and attention from less liberal parents. Children may also strongly desire to identify with their biological gender, and preventing them from doing so can be destructive.
Key advocates
References
- https://www.parents.com/parenting/should-you-raise-a-gender-neutral-baby/
- https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/gender-neutral-parenting-is-this-a-right-approach/
- https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_neutrality
Harmful Parenting Styles- Avoid These For Kids' Sake -
Less positive and well-intentioned by far, unintentional parenting types generally exhibit behaviors that can be detrimental to their children. Sometimes these occur in situations where mental illness, trauma or difficult circumstances exist. Other times, it may be that a well-intentioned parent simply intervenes in their children’s lives in a way that is counterproductive.
These parenting styles can lead to significant long-term emotional damage to children, and should be avoided.
Helicopter Parenting
Insecure and anxious, helicopter parents feel unable to let their children be unsupervised. They feel overwhelmingly like they must protect their child from the world and from typical negative learning experiences that are essential to social and personal development. They may intervene on behalf of their child in academics or socially, even when it is counterproductive, inappropriate or they’ve actively been asked to stop. (Source)
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: The actions of helicopter parents sometimes come from a place of great love and affection, however misguided their outcome.
Possible Cons: Most children will eventually resent a helicopter parent for their overinvolvement, and those that do not may become far too dependent on parental intervention in their adult lives. This can lead to anxiety and depression when they eventually leave home.
Snowplough Parenting
Often determined to give their child an easier experience than they had, snowplough or bulldozer parents confidently remove the obstacles in their child’s path to make things simple. They’re likely to demand or negotiate unearned accolades, admissions or places on teams for their child through social force, money or other means. Snowplough parents are always trying to score the best outcome for their kids, even when it’s undeserved. (Source)
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: Children of snowplough parents may have access to academic, social and personal opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise, which can be advantageous down the line.
Possible Cons: When children have unearned rewards, they feel no sense of accomplishment or drive to achieve. They do not learn the values of effort or perseverance.
Narcissistic Parenting
Largely ego-driven, narcissistic parents view their children as an extension of themselves. In their eyes, their children exist to meet their physical and emotional needs and to be a source of narcissistic pride. Narcissistic parents are likely to coerce or force their children to live out their own dreams, even when they’re not interested. This parenting style often involves controlling, invasive, emotionally abusive and withholding behaviors. It is likely to be the result of narcissistic personality disorder or other mental illness. (Source)
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: There is no real pro to this situation. Narcissistic parenting can lead to significant trauma for children. In the best cases, generally requiring extensive therapy, children of narcissists can go on to model their behavior to be opposite of their parents and be happy, loving adults.
Possible Cons: Children exposed to narcissistic parents may face emotional trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideations.
Toxic Parenting
The worst kind of parenting, toxic parents may be actively physically, mentally or sexually abusive to their child. In other cases, they may be letting abuse happen on their watch or disbelieving and ignoring a child’s report of abuse. Toxic parents are neglectful and uninvolved, and may abandon their children emotionally if not physically by refusing to acknowledge their most basic needs. (Source)
Ups & Downs
Potential Pros: There is no pro to toxic parenting, which is a factor in the life story of many people struggling with drug addiction, criminal behavior and serious mental illness. While exceptionally strong people receiving the right kind of help may be able to rise above these circumstances, it is an exception, not a rule. Toxic parenting should never be normalized.
Possible Cons: Toxic parenting can seriously damage children in a lifelong way. They may suffer from identity disturbance, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or actions, physical and mental trauma, PTSD, ADD, anger issues and instability due to legal issues or removal to foster care.
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