Sharpen Your Wit With These 50 Knife Puns

Don’t butcher your jokes! Take a stab at these 50 knife puns that are razor-sharp.

A knife in the wrong hands can be a weapon. Yet knives are used for eating, cutting the cake on your birthday, and in general as a tool.

We cut out the things that don’t work for us and doctors or surgeons heal with the knife.

Mishaps can happen when it comes to using a knife which can have hilarious results. Although you do have to be careful how you handle those knife jokes.

So check out these knife jokes that’ll have you on the edge of your seat.

1. Don’t try to butter me up with your knife puns.
2. My knife is a cut above the rest.
3. The knife was in that new film. He made the cut.
4. Why was the knife upset with the fork? It went in for seconds.
5. I’m really feeling the knife-life right now.
6. The knife is great at business. He can cut any deal.
7. The dagger-maker was always keen to get to the point.
8. Where do knives go to have lunch? Dagger King.
9. I don’t know why they say not to bring a dagger to a gunfight. I think daggers are the sharpest weapon around!
10. What do you call a stab in a back alley? A stab in the dark.
11. I’m the sharpest tool in the shed.
12. I was looking for a knife, but all I found was a fork in the road.
13. Knife’s sharp sense of humor was like a double-edged sword.
14. Detective Blade’s sharp mind was like a scalpel dissecting the case.
15. What did the overworked knife say? Cut me some slack.
16. Why were the condiments afraid of the knife? It could cut the mustard.
17. What do you call a girl’s knife? B-ladie.
18. I’m blade-y happy I found a way to cut down on puns.
19. Don’t worry, I’m not feeling sword-shy.
20. I’m always looking for ways to sharpen my sword skills.
21. Let’s go to the knife shop. They’re slashing prices.
22. Your knife is a real cut-ie!
23. The firefighter heroically fought the fire at the knife factory. He really saved some knives.
24. My knife puns are jabbing their way into your heart.
25. I was going to make a joke about cutting, but it was too cutting-edge.
26. What did the butter knife say when it saw the butter?  Spread the love.
27. Knife won the argument. It had a point.
28. Knife to meet you!
29. The knife cut a fine figure.
30. Knife really plays well on the roulette table. He can slice and dice.
31. Keep your knives sharp, so you don’t have to cut any corners.
32. My knives are always sharp. I have stab-lished that habit.
33. I’ll cut to the chase – I’m the sharpest blade in town!
34. I’m really on the cutting edge of technology.
35. Why was the knife thrown on the scrap heap? It had a weak blade-r.
36. The knife jumped into the car. He wanted to go on a flesh-drive.
37. Why did the knife go to see the surgeon? Because knife is too short.
38. What is the knife’s motto? Knives have many twists and turns.
39. Why did the knife cut a throat? It had a lump in it.
40. The knife was invited to the ball. He was very cutlass-y.
41. Why don’t knives ever tell jokes? They just can’t cut it!
42. Why did the knife get sent to the principal’s office? It was caught sharpening its wit.
43. What did the knife say when it saw its reflection? I’m looking a bit rusty.
44. Why do knives like to go on movie sets? The director always says cut.
45. What did the teacher say to the naughty knife? Cut it out!
46. I heard the knife was getting a new hairdo – a sharp cut. 
47. I saw a knife playing a game of chess. He was a real sharp player. 
48. My tongue was so sharp I could have cut a knife with my sarcasm.
49. I’ve decided I’m going to be a stay-at-home knife.
50. The knife retired. No more knife of crime for him.