Train Puns and Jokes

Train jokes and puns have been around about as long as trains themselves — more than 200 years, in fact. Puns are jokes that play with related words. For instance, the word ‘chew’ becomes the word ‘choo’ in a train pun. See if you can guess the punned answers for the questions below.

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1. Where does breakfast cereal ride on a train? In the box-top box car.
2. Where does the ghost conductor ride? In the ca-BOO-se.
3. What did the train conductor say to the disinterested students? All a-bored!
4. What did the band-aid say to the skinned knee? I’ll fix you back in the ca-BOOBOO-se.
5. Why did the cow cross the train tracks? To get to the udder side rail.
6. What do train engineers’ puppies eat? Doggy choo-choo.
7. Why did the conductors miss the TV show? They tuned into the wrong station.
8. How many cars go on a train? None. Cars go on the highway; rail cars go on the train tracks.
9. What kind of train do babies like best? The milk run.
10. Why didn’t the train leave the station on time? Billy the brakeman got a job as the engineer.
11. How many train tracks does it take to make a country’s railway system? All of them.
12. What did the steam train say to the electric train? Eat my smoke!
13. What did the prospector need to travel by train to his mine? A golden ticket.
14. Why does a train beat a car on a track? Because cars can’t drive on train tracks.
15. How did the detective find the train robber? It was easy, the truth was hidden in train sight.
16. Why was the conductor too tired to run in the Olympics? He had to train really hard the day before.
17. Why can the train engineer only think about one thing at a time? Because he has a one-track mind.
18. Why can’t an express train carry newspapers? It lost its job and is now just a press train.
19. What do you call a tired train engine? A slow-comotive.
20. Why was the train slowed down by the broken track? A train is only as strong as its weakest link!
21. What happens when your vacation is ruined by a train wreck? All your plans go down the train.
22. Why has the engineer never missed a single day of work? He’s always there, come train or shine.
23. Why was the train robber crazy? Anyone who steals a train would definitely have a loco-motive.
24. How did the best locomotive engineer get so good at her job? Training
25. What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train
26. How do trains hear? Through their engine-ears!
27. What do you call a train that has a cold? Achoo-achoo train
28. What happened to the girl who took a train home? She had to give it back!
29. What’s as big as a train engine, but weighs nothing? Its shadow
30. Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? They don’t want to leave their trunks in the baggage car.
31. What did the mommy train engine say to her baby at dinner? Make sure you choo-choo.
32. Why was that train engine humming? It didn’t know the words.
33. What do you call a gamer train stop? A play station
34. How can you tell a train just went by? You can see its tracks!
35. If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
36. Did you know that train conductors make great thieves? They’re really good at covering their tracks.
37. There’s a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little. I guess he’s just really into one-liners!
38. A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesn’t go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.
39. Train engineers can only think of one thing at a time. They all have one-track minds.
40. No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. It’s a slow-comotive.
41. The train’s engineer was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along.
42. What did the engineer say to the conductor? It’s a freight day to go for a ride on a train.
43. Did you hear about the guy who was fishing from a railway bridge? He was trying to catch a train.
44. Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween? It became a fright train.
45. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
46. The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”
47. What do you need to crash a train? A bad track record
48. If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
49. What do you call someone who works part time on a train? A semi-conductor
50. What do you call someone who clones trains? A genetic engineer.