50 Vampire Puns to Make Your Blood Run Cold

Natalie Grant (with child sleeping)
Written by Natalie Grant Updated on October 6th, 2023

If you don’t want to suck at jokes, sink your fangs into these 50 vampire puns.

Vampires, the garlic-hating, blood-sucking, mind-reading creatures of the night. These fearsome creatures are now seen as romantic and also hilarious characters. We love to be scared and laugh whilst jumping in fear. 

In Hotel Transylvania, the vampire, Count Dracula is always getting himself into trouble. His friends laugh and make jokes about him and hilarity ensues.

So check out these vampire jokes and say ‘Bleh Bleh Bleh’ and you’ll be laughing your head off.

  1. Did you hear about the vampire who went to the blood bank? He wanted to make a withdrawal.
  2. Why don’t vampires like to go to the beach? Too much exposure.
  3. What did the vampire say when he was asked to go out? I’m dying to go!
  4. How do vampires like their coffee? One-blood-lattes.
  5. Why don’t vampires ever get married? Because it’s a dead-end relationship.
  6. Vampires don’t like getting sick—it really drains them.
  7. What do you call a vampire who is always late? A tardy-vore.
  8. Why don’t vampires go on cruises? They don’t want to be caught dead at sea.
  9. What did the vampire say when he saw the sun? Oh gosh, I’m toast!
  10. Did you hear about the sick vampire who went to the doctor? He needed some coffin medicine.
  11. A vampire bat asked me out on a date, but I’m afraid I’m not his type. 
  12. Did you hear about the vampire who had an extra set of fangs? He was a double-biter.
  13. What did Dracula say when he was invited to a party? I vant to go!
  14. Vampires have a lot in common with gang members. They both like their bloods.
  15. I heard vampires like televisions. Yes, they love those plasmas.
  16. What did the lady say to the oncoming vampire? You suck!
  17. The vampire was not allowed to enter the competition. He only knew blood sports.
  18. What did Dracula’s mum say when was late for dinner? You are un-dead meat!
  19. Why did ladies avoid the vampire? He had bat breath.
  20. What do you call a vampire who hasn’t had his coffee? A decoffinated vampire.
  21. How do vampires get around? By bat-mobile.
  22. Why don’t vampires like going to the beach? They don’t want to get a coffin tan.
  23. Some people don’t listen to vampires as they have new fang-led ideas.
  24. A vampire bat flew into a blood bank and yelled, I’m here for the interest!
  25. What do you call baby vampires? Youngbloods.
  26. Don’t you think vampires are a bit vein?
  27. A vampire’s motto is B positive.
  28. Vampires have a great sense of humor – they love a good blood joke!
  29. The sign on a vampire slayer’s house reads, Beware you’ll get spiked.
  30. I’m a vampire, so I’m always up for a good stake out.
  31. Why did the vampire have to go to the doctor? He had a bad case of coffin-itis.
  32. How do vampires make cheese? They blood curdle.
  33. You can always count on vampires to suck the fun out of any situation. 
  34. Where do vampires send their kids in summer? A wilderness v-amp.
  35. When vampires get cuts and bruises they just buff-y it out.
  36. Vampires teach their young by Damon-strating how to suck blood.
  37. I’m fang-tastic with my vampire impressions.
  38. The vampire disappeared with a f-ang!
  39. Vampires craft with their in-scissors.
  40. What’s a vampire’s favorite car? A monster truck.
  41. The vampire was confused. He need to get to the cruc-ifix of the problem.
  42. Dracula was in trouble. He was cross-eyed.
  43. I’m just van Helsing around for a good vampire pun!
  44. What did the vampire say when he got lost? Were wolf?
  45. How do you know when a vampire get an idea? A garlic bulb goes off.
  46. What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A bloody Mary.
  47. I heard vampire’s favorite music is Heavy Metal, I guess it really gets their blood pumping.
  48. Vampires love to go to Transylvania. It’s a blood-cation for them.
  49. What do you call a vampire that can’t stop talking? A blabber-fang.
  50. What did the vampire say when asked about his favorite type of music? I like the oldies but bloodies.
Natalie Grant (with child sleeping)
Written by Natalie Grant Updated on October 6th, 2023